Dont get shit twisted!!!

You know I think its funny when people say things about things they have no actual idea of the truth of the situation WHATSOEVER!! It pisses me off to NO END when I get told I dont love my children bcz of my situation and everything I am battleing. Personally I dont care what anyone else thinks about me the only peoples opinions I do care about are my kids and my husband and the VERY VERY VERY FEW ppl in my life that are actually there and have been there to not fix my problems for me but support me emotionally and encourage me to find the right way and find my way back to the right path so that I CAN GET BETTER and I CAN BE THE MOTHER MY KIDS DESERVE!!! And im sorry but I think the fact that I AM THE ONE THAT ASKED THAT MY KIDS BE CARED FOR BY FAMILY until i was able to beat my addiction and I TOLD ON MY DAM SELF to SW nd Judge so that I could hopefully get the state and courts help to get into a place that would get me the treatment i needed. HOWEVER they didnt do anything to help me get treatment told me it was on me bcz I didnt have a CRIMINAL case. And actually they said they would RATHER i get on a methadone or suboxin program so basically trade one addiction for another???? Make any fukn sense to you???? Yes I have made some piss poor HORRIBLE bad SELFISH decisions BUT that DOES NOT MEAN i am a bad person or mother. When it comes to my childrens care and wellbeing my kids have always came first and NEVER WENT without anything. I took my kids all over and did everything with them. I took time everyday to teach them skills needed for commen sense and book smarts. My kids didnt teach themselves did they??? and I am pretty sure my kids have been with me their whole lives MINUS a few months couple years ago and the few months i have been battleing this shit. My kids were never abused physically, mentally, emotionally, verbally, NO WAY AT ALL!!! And I can garuntee you this that if any of my kids are asked they will all tell you I am teh best mommy ever and they love me to the sun the moon and all the stars and if made to choose between being with me or ANYONE ELSE IN THIS WORLD everyone of my kids would pick ME in a heartbeat and when leaving my kids they get upset. So tell me this if i am such a BAD MOTHER and didnt care for my kids at all and put my addiction before my kids and neglected my kids in any way I HIGHLY DOUBT that any one of them would be towards me in any way shape or form the way they are. No if my kids were used to me being a piece of shit absentee never there and when i am never interacted with them never did fun stuff with them never showered them with love never was THE MOTHER I REALLY FUKING AM parent to my kids then they would NOT give 2 shits when i left, they would be behind drastically developmentally, emotionally, physically. They would NOT want me over anyone else and they sure has hell would not be the BRIGHT, LOVING< SMART< CARING< KIND HEARTED< HAPPY< JOYFUL< WONDERFUL kisd that they are!!!!!!!!!! Well guess what all you nay sayers, doubters, put downers, talk shiters, haters haters haters. . . . .I AM CLEAN!!! I HAVE BEEN CLEAN FOR OVER 30 DAYS NOW AND I DID IT ON MY DAM OWN!!! I DIDNT NEED METHADONE OR SUBOXIN I DIDNT NEED 6 MONTHS OF INTENSIVE INPATIENT I DIDNT NEED 3 AA MEETINGS A DAY EVERYDAY I DIDNT NEED TO MOVE STATES AWAY. . . WHAT DID I NEED YOU ASK???? I NEEDED A SWIFT KICK IN THE GUT AND FOR REALITY TO SMACK SOME FUKN SENSE INTO ME. WHAT WAS THAT YOU SAY??? I LOST THE ONLY 5 PPL I CARE ABOUT BRIAN, ALEXA,KARMA,JAYLEN,BELLA AND I LOST EVERYTHING I HAD WORKED SO HARD TO OBTAIN AND WAS SO PROUD TO HAVE FINALLY MADE IT TO THE LIFE I HAD MADE IT TO. SO HOMELESS, FAMILY-LESS, CARLESS ,JOBLESS, FAITHLESS, AND SELFWORTHLESS AND I SAID I AM DONE. ALL THE SHIT I HAD BEEN FED IN "TREATMENTS" AFTER "TREATMENT" WAS MY DOWNFALL. THEY BEAT IT IN YOUR HEADTHAT ADDICTION IS AN ILLNESS THAT YOU CANT EVER BE "CURED" RELAPSE IS OK AND THE DRUG CONTROLS YOU. WELL THOSE WERE ALL THE THINGS THAT WERE KEEPING ME FROM BEING CLEAN AND STAYING CLEAN. I USED ALL THAT AS AN EXCUSE AND THE FACT THAT IT WAS EVERY PERSON IN MY LIFE THAT WASNT "SUPPORTING" ME LIKE "THEY SHOULD BE". I HAD ACTUALLY CONVINCED MYSELF THAT MY KIDS, THE ONES I RAISED, THE ONES I CARRIED, THE ONES THAT I LOVE MORE THAN LIFE ITS DAM SELF AND THAT ADORE ME MORE THAN ANYTHING AND ANYONE IN THE WORLD WERE BETTER OFF WITHOUT ME BCZ AT LEAST WITHOUT ME THEY DIDNT RUN THE RISK TO TURN OUT LIKE ME. WELL WRONG FOLKS. THEY ARE NOT BETTER OFF WITHOUT ME AND I AM NOT BETTER OFF JUST KILLING MYSELF WITH THIS ADDICTION. SO I SAID I AM DONE. AND FINALLY I WAS DOING IT FOR THE RIGHT REASON. FOR MYSELF AND NOT FOR ANYONE ELSE OR TO MAKE ANYONE ELSE HAPPY. SO GUESS WHAT IT WORKED. I AM CLEAN I HAVE BEEN CLEAN AND I WILL STAY CLEAN. AND TO EVERYONE THAT HAS NEGATIVE SHIT TO SAY AND WANTS TO SAY I AM A WORTHLESS MOM AND I DONT LOVE MY KIDS OR CARE ABOYT ANYONE BUT MY DAM SELF OR THAT MY KIDS ARE BETTER OFF WITHOUT ME WELL GUESS WHAT PRETTY SOON YOUR GONNA EAT YOUR DAM WORDS. WHY???? BECAUSE I AM CLEAN, I HAVE A GOOD FULL TIME JOB THAT I WORK HARD AT AND GET JOY OUTTA GOING TO WORK EVERYDAY AND SUPPORTING MYSELF AND BEING ABLE TO SUPPORT MY KIDS MYSELF AND SOON VERY SOON LIKE WITHIN A FEW WEEKS I WILL HAVE MY OWN PLACE WITH BEDROOMS FOR THE KIDS, A CAR, BACK IN SCHOOL TO FINISH MY DEGREE, AND GETTING THE COUNCILING I NEED TO FIX THE ROOT OF MY PROBLEMS AND NOT JUST NUMBING THEM OUT BY KILLING MYSELF A LIL EVERYDAY WITH A DRUG. SO THIS I SAY TO EVERYONE AND ITS A PROMISE. I WILL HAVE MY KIDS BACK AND I WILL KEEP ON STAYING SOBER AND CLEAN AND THIS NEW ANGEL IS HERE TO FUKN STAY AND AS FAR AS ANYONE THAT IS NOT PART OF THE VERY FEW PPL IN MY LIFE NOW AND HAS BEEN THRU THIS BATTLE I HAVE NO NEED FOR ANY OF YOU ONCE I GET OVER THIS LAST LIL HUMP AND START DOWN THE OTHER SIDE THE BRIGHTER SIDE THE ME AND MY GIRLS LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER SIDE. SO MY RANT IS NOW OVER. SORRY EVERYONE BUT IT ALL NEEDED TO BE SAID.