I wanted to write a quick short post about my newly added profile pic. Its very accurate nd up yo date considering I literally just took it then added to my profile. Mind yu its 1 sumthin in tgd morning, im on day 5 of detoxing, nd I have done nothing to improve my appearance other than shower these last 5 days. So that is me NOW. Now the reason I wanted to write real quick is I want yu to go back in one of my first few posts nd look at the pic of me from last year June/July then look at my profile pic. I started my affair with heroin a year ago this month. Before this started I had started at low level pain pills nd worked my way up to oxygen then opanas wen they gelled the Oxy's. Was just to expensive nd I got more bang for my Buck with dope. At least at first. Niavely I didnt even think I wud a year later be shooting it, lost EVERYTHING, nd going from physically terrified of death to welcoming it like an old friend. I was also totally oblivious to the changes going on to my appearance. The pic shows the weight ive shed. 140 sumthing to 114. At least as of boot 2 wks ago im probly a lil less by now. Showers and most hygiene shit just stopped nd I just didnt have time for sumthin like a shower. Wen I was dope sick it hurt nd wen I was high I was afraid it fuk up my high. Throwing up so much nd poor hygiene habits nd even worse eating habits have totally destroyed my once very white very pretty often complimented on teeth to teeth that while visibily are worse fir the wear but what yu cant see is the bad part. Dentist said my only option is shaving my teeth down nd getting caps or vineers. which is way to costly or get em pulled nd get dentures. Sad how I can go from that to this in 1 fukn year. Ima post sum more before nd now pics up bcz its just brain numbing to me what I look like these days nd wat I thought I looked like. In my head I still looked like the before pics ill be posting. Only thing I knew was id lost sum weight but I wasnt complaining. I had baby weight to lose anyways. My youngest is only 17 months. Natural to lose weight. Yea not like this tho. Now wth the heroin haze gone I actually see wat I look like and ill be honest im disgusted. This is NOT ME!!!
You're talking about rock bottom on the sidebar and losing everything in the post and o boy I just cannot think about things like that I always tell them in the group druggie meetings I go to (not NA ~ run by the methadone clinic) I always say I'm going off of heroin because I'm bored of it and it's not socially acceptable or respectable and I'm getting older and I want a new life.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was younger and bang on the drugs everyone who saw me saw at once that something was wrong, and most probably guessed it was drugs so I never got time of day or smiles or no niceties in local shops but now I do and I then think of the gear I'm still taking (just far less of it nowadays) and feel ashamed of this dirty little secret of mine.
As for all the heavy shit. I don't know, I must have weak mental muscles cos I just cannot carry heavy burdens... y'know?
I'm looking at the picture and in the bigger version on your profile you look more thoughtful, but in the smaller one on the blog my first impression was that you were pissed off. Don't worry about that, Anna Grace
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used to have some amazing photos down her sidebar, man she was looking royally fucked off I don't know what had actually happened but I've never seen such a sour collection of snapshots. Wearing a blue wig looking pissed off. Wearing no wig and looking pissed off. And just looking pissed off probably because of nothing at all and let's face it that's the junkie life.
I remember when I realized I was a full-blown junkie I used to periodically realize I was screwing up my face like a bulldog chewing a wasp.
I wish I was one of those people who got embarrassed and then deleted old posts because I keep reading back the crap I've written and thinking WHAT WERE YOU ON. I'm talking about this week I'm just too high and full of shit but at the time I think all I have to say is just fascinating and fabulous and wonderful darling ha ha har ;-)
You know the 'eroin actually seems to make me more hyper now? Isn't that weird? Because there doesn't SEEM to be any sneaky snidey added hyperactivity-causing extra in there, at least if there is, everyone has it and it only works on me, never my friends... how weird is that? I've got to the stage where my brain is just fucked and there's nothing I can take any more that does what it's supposed to do. Ukkkkhhhhh.
HEY! Yea..I cannot believe how quickly our bodies can change as addicts. I remember I would be starving, but would also have some heroin. I didnt give a shit about eating..id just go shoot up and the hunger would just go away. Its like, when my stomach growled, that triggered me to want some H. Plus, I didn't have any food in my house cause I spent all the money on H. Ive gained so much of my weight back, just in these 2 months of being clean
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